We’re home. We’re trying to enjoy as many minutes as possible with her. She’s tired. She’s exhausted. She’s ready to stop suffering, but she’s not ready to leave her family and friends.I said this was going to be the hardest thing we’ve ever had to go through, or do; but what I didn’t realize was how scary this would be. I didn’t realize that my eyes would constantly go to her chest, making sure it was moving up and down, and she was breathing. Or, when she labors her breath and her chest doesn’t move for a few seconds, my heart begins to pound outside of my chest. This is our reality.
Yesterday was a bad day. She didn’t eat or drink anything and it took more than a couple of people to move her. She was uncomfortable and she had difficulty breathing. There was not much we could do to make her comfortable. She was scared to close her eyes because she was scared it was the time. She said, “I’m ready. I want to let go.” And when I asked her when, when are you ready; she responded, “Tonight. I can’t do this anymore.”
She made it through the night and she’s still with us. Our
friends, I mean family, were here all day and night. Some slept here and we watched her. Some came around midnight just to say hi and give her a kiss.
And, we watched her relax and go to sleep. But, she only slept on and off – scared to go into a deep sleep.
This morning, we woke up, and moved her into a chair. She drank and ate more than yesterday. She’s tired. And, it’s okay to go to sleep. Her breathing is a little better, she’s relaxed. We’re here, next to her, and this is where we will stay – all day, every day.
Father Dom, from our church, St. Thomas the Apostle, in Oxford, Conn. is coming today. He’s coming to help give her some peace, help give us all some comfort. And we will pray. We will pray that when she’s really ready, she will let go, and she’ll be comfortable – and it will be easy.
I am so proud of her. She has fought this battle for too many years. A lot of people would have given up a long time ago. She’s never cried, she’s never gotten mad, she’s never said enough is enough. This is why she is my hero, and why so many people admire her. Her strength and will to live is beyond anything any of us can understand.
So as I sit here next to her and write this blog, I can speak for her and say she is grateful and thankful for every well wish wished, every prayer said, every piece of love shared. During this time, the hardest time in our lives, we are humbled by the support we have from our friends and family.