Today, we remember and celebrate the life she had. Because today, one year ago, she became our angel.
One year ago we spent all day begging her to leave and begin her new life watching over us. One year ago we stood around her, watching her take her last breath. With tears in our eyes, we said goodbye to a mom, wife, and friend. We prayed and hoped she was at peace, and that she would never stop watching.
So one year ago, she got her angel wings… and we got the hardest year of our lives.
Everything is different without her. Her laugh doesn’t fill the room, my recent calls isn’t filled with “Mommy”, there is less Pino Grigio being purchased, less hugs and kisses being given, but most of all it’s quiet. Life is quieter without her.
It’s been a year since I last held her hand, since I last kissed her, since I laid there with my head on her chest. She’s not coming back and as much as I want her to, I know she’s in a better place.
It all happened so fast. One day she was planning my wedding and the next we were taking her home in an ambulance for her to spend her last days in the home that carried so many memories of her life, of our life.
Breast cancer turned my life upside down. It took away the woman who was my best friend,
my mom, the person I ran to for every little thing. It took not only her away from me, but it also took away this piece inside of me.
This past year has brought so many moments that I would give anything to share with her. I would give up anything to have a conversation with her, to wake her up in the middle of the night when I can’t sleep, to bring her to an ultrasound appointment so she could see her grandson. But wishing for these things won’t bring her back.
If there is anything I’ve learned this year, it is that life is unfair. Good people are taken from us too soon, but not before leaving an impact on our lives forever. Loosing someone teaches you to be stronger, it changes who you are and what you believe it. It makes you question how you’ve lived your life and what it is that you want to change. But most of all, loosing someone, loosing your mom is the hardest thing to overcome.
It may not be the same without her, but we’re going to be okay because she’s our angel and that’s all the comfort we need to get through. We may not laugh with her, but when we close our eyes, we hear that laughter. When we think she’s far away, she sends signs that make us feel at ease. She does her job of comforting us and watching over us; while we do our job and our promise of living to the fullest, never forgetting and always keeping her close to our heart.
Today, just like every other day, we miss you mom. We miss you more than you will ever know. We still have moments where we can’t believe you’re gone. We still cry for you to come back and we still wish there was something that could have been done to save you.
We love you and today, we will celebrate your life, not your death – because your life is what defines you, not the cancer and not your passing. So as we celebrate you, know that we love you more than anything in this world and are forever proud of the strength, love and perserverance you showed us.
You will always be our favorite.